The Land: Pakistan- The Home For Ummah!

The land of the worlds!
Not that it's a promised land, not that it really was indented to be like this and it is also not that we wanted a partition that only could separate us by drawing some line that could change the geography at large and we find a home...
A Muslim, by his Faith has no land... Yet every land is his land.
Our Prophet (P.B.U.H) had Migrated from his native city to Medina. And he lived his entire life there, even after when Makah was conquered. This suggests something... Moors travelled to Europe and their they established their own state.
The point of a greater state on the face of the earth was clear. Technically, the Hindu majority was right... If we’d ever asked  for some piece of land from someone else... That was absolutely not fair... Because, it was their land. 'Their' land! We were invaders... We came here. We made most of them our brothers... We set our life free here and thus we became a part of the Indian subcontinent. So, the message was clear... We ruled them for good one thousand years and that was enough. And then the Britishers came. Yes, there was a difference... One big difference! No single British man stayed after when they left. No single Bristisher could ever imagine they would become one like them... Eat like them, sleep like them or anything... But they had a world to rule... After-all they were the rulers of the worlds. And then... When they left... The Majority- Hindus started asking to give their land  back to them. We were... A third party.
The Britishers went straight back to England... But where would we go. If we were not Sub continental!? The Afghans, back to their station, the Persians to their and the Arabs to their as well... But our fathers had left their brothers there and now our cousins wouldn't be recognizing us... It's been a long time since our fathers had left. There's no place to live... We are begging for a piece of land... Thus... This! No! Certainly not! The Moors went to Europe and they never came back, that was there place right and good. This was our place. We belonged here. Our fathers had come here to bring light to the darkness. They had come for good for whatever thing caused their first step.
We built a system... We created a well-furnished system for them... And considered them our allies and we, their sincere friends.
We got this piece of land in result of whatever conspiracies and whatever bad things... But still we did have the position of a state.
This was the first state since the history has been known... No other state before this had ever happened to be existed. This was some utopian or some delusional or some mental disorder appearing to be actually normal and sane. And we had a dream of an extraordinary thing come true. We had the world's first state based on Ideology... On something that was entirely intangible... It was like a poem, a story, a song, that had been conceived by a poet or a writer or a musician and that came into existence all from nowhere... Like a song comes into existence after it is not existing. What a strange thing! What a beautiful poetry. Ah! An entire state just from nowhere! Why!? Because, each and every country is actually a geographic or demographic location... It was there for something, like it was there before history or it was there by someone had captured it from someone or it was there for some ethnic group, or race or whatever...
We had this place that was a common place for the Entire Ummah! Like all the Black and White and Red and Dark and Tan and Brown were welcome if they were Brothers. So like, a man could come from Morocco and could live with equal status just as a sub continental! Ah! What a beautiful thing! And then it was a Republic that was Islamic!
It was a strange strange thing! Like whenever you start thinking about the background of the creation of the state you get lost in so many things... That eventually you leave everything thinking! What a beautiful concept of brotherhood. That brings you a common place.
But what if a sub continental brother asks the African to go to 'his' place- Africa!? For the reason that it wasn't his place... It was only a place for those who were living in subcontinent... Then it was something like it was some piece of land that we had actually snatched from it's original owners and we are mugging. Or it was like we were already sub continental but we had some personal problems within ourselves and we were the most noisy and bad boys around so we for no good reason started asking for separation or the "masters" had bigger plans... And they deliberately separated us and then put a problem so that we could never live peacefully.
A Black African was welcome or we were bastards shouting for some place or we were kind of Mafia. If that was so, they were right... We had no right to divide and get a separate piece of land as it was not captured in loot.
But then after more than sixty years... We fought wars and we saw our worst days but never a single moment, none of us could realize the fact that no matter what others do... They prosper or they vanish... We had to work every single day just to make this state stronger and stronger for the entire Ummah! We had a big responsibility. We had to bring the Ummah Closer. But all of us confused this state as an equal party share with the Hindus... Always! We always thought we had the right to have it because the Hindus were having the bigger chunk. Like subconsciously we were having it as it being our right to have it. If the one thing was not there... Again... Who the hell we were to snatch someone's land!? And if that one point was there why are we still this poor and struggling to survive!? We must be ashamed of all this.
Leave the brothers... We couldn't even stand up on our own feet just make it a little steady to have it for those who are currently living here.
This state was supposed to be a state who had no problems... And their only problem was a problem of a Palestinian or an Afghan, or an Iraqi or Irani or Syrian... Because all of their problems are our problems.
Shame on us!
And then a time came when were suggesting the state to be a people's republic instead of an Islamic republic... If that was so and prudent... Why not get dissolved in India. They would have their land and we, the world's biggest state with democracy... A people's republic... Why had we been teasing the Hindus!? We must be penalized for this serious prank then!
The point is simple if you get that or is useless if you don't try to get it... Because they get it all from the day one and that's the reason nobody is leaving us for some business because they are afraid we being able one day to make things working our forefathers had thought. And then the state has only a year or two above sixties in front of the states that are thousands of years old. It is a baby state. And not like others this state was conceived and while all of the rest were evolved... They were not created. Even its name was conceived.
And the point is... There will come a point when this state will be under the command of the True-Believer and then all the resources will be put in line to be capitalized and utilized... Until then all of this is reserved and conserved so that these lazy 'elders' don't use it for personal interest. And when the big day will come they will be starting with Allah-o-Akbar...! And then everything will be just as perfect as it was put in someone's mind to ask for a separate piece of land that could serve as the Fort for our Deen!

Is This World Really Real!?

What if one day after a deep long sleep we wake up and we see ourselves as made up of something else... Maybe we had no shape at all or maybe we weren't made up of matter!
Just as like we dream of ourselves being some super-human doing tricks and has an enormous level of power and can literally do everything but after when we were awake we laugh at our stupid dream.
And there happened with many of us that we actually dreaming within a dream. Like we were asleep and dreaming of getting to the bed and falling asleep and when we woke up we said, oh! That was a dream and then right at that very point our mothers came and woke us up!
Similarly... What if someday at some place we fell asleep and then after a short while we started dreaming of being in this world...
Last year, we had a beautiful movie, called Inception... In the movie, Nolan has perfectly shown a few very complex things and has thrown light on some of the darker corners that always make one question about so many things.
All of us know, we eat while dreaming... We drink, we walk, we talk and everything just like a very normal thing we do in our this state when we were not asleep. We feel pain...
And even most of us would agree that they had seen their body dead while dreaming and then they woke up...
The point is this world of matter... These animals and plants and all this science of Physics and Chemistry and all the Mathematics and the Logic and Philosophy could possibly be the part of the dream...
In the movie mentioned above... They had that 'projection sequence' in the dream... What if this is the same thing here... A combined and cumulative dream!? What if we all had our own projections in accordance with the mind that we had... Because the subtle ego and the intellect have the thing... That makes us the creature with the free will. And that free will is also the cause and the most important factor that separates us from the God by an individual entity.
Imagine, we all fell asleep at some place where there is no time and space... Where there's nothing... And it is very possible because they talk about the nothingness before the big-bang. And the Holy Quran says that the Lord's Throne was at some Dukhan... At some misty, foggy thing. Then... If this world was created... A master-plan... Just as like the simulation that we create with the software for the military and the athletes and so on... And if all of this was a virtual reality... Just as like we create it with programming... And if that was some kind of a sedation that brings the sleep with the REM mode... The last phases where one starts dreaming...
There is one more question of the entire scene pre-set or we are just given the tools and the medium to create something... For the output... If everything was pre-ordained and pre-destined or we had the real power of the free will and if we had the power of the free will why not are we able to do the things we cannot do... If we were given the powers. But yeah! It's another topic very much linked to this one.
We dream of us being super-man, bat-man and so on... They are much more powerful... But when we wakeup we didn't have those powers... Similarly... If we were dreaming of being this person, with flesh and bones and blood... And when we wakeup... We are nothing but a shapeless... Non-matter existence! This is very much possible.
This is a question... We know that we were born and we know that we will die. We know that we were in some other world before this world and we know that we will go to some other world after this one...
And that's the exact point... Like if those two worlds, the before and the after ones... Were the same that meant that we will actually be waking up from that sleep or that trans or whatever. And fellows here, the siblings and parents here would look familiar there as if we had seen them somewhere.
If this was the truth why were we created this way...? And if this was the truth... Why all this stage... And if this was the truth what state would we be in real. Because there is a big question of us being returned to the same place... But would be the mode of the travel!? How would we be going there? Rather what are we actually? Is the body us? Is the soul us? What's the thing that actually owns our identity and the individual number? If that's the body... So when we die... We vanish but if the body is mere the matrix and the soul was the true us then what shape the soul would be...? Because a human mind always applies the known tools to reason and if that's something beyond the lines of the human intellect we cannot understand it. In no way. But the curiosity of us being called up and summoned at some place, some day would again confusing... Are we be getting up again with same flesh and bones body or that would be the soul actually be standing there on the day of judgment... Or it would be the feeling kind of thing... That we feel... We sense... Or like a dream. In short, will that be a concrete, tangible body person that would be asked for the his deeds or that would be a the abstract, intangible thing?
Or even if that was another mode of sleep and another chapter of dream while the actual us are asleep in some cold chambers, side by side... Rows after rows to infinity?
But one thing is certain... We all are dreaming... And one day, when we wake up... We will be laughing at ourselves in the bed in the morning... Ha! What a stupid thing had I dreamt...? And then we would jerk off the entire dream and would stand up and get into the wash

The Enlightened Moderation

The so called modern and enlightened do what!?
Their soft-drinks, shaving razors... Anything won't get sold unless they have put a woman on the packaging and advertising. They sell the face of the woman, the body of woman, the extremely shameful act that they feel all okay with. 'Partial nudity' is 'boldness' these days. Just because this can work. And frankly, I skip the advertising and buy the product now, because I have got my appetite for 'woman' disturbed. I don't seek pleasure in looking at some hot chick asking me to buy some 'milk' or some 'ice-cream'... No matter how much they lick their finger after the chocolate. This is so cheap, like a beautiful woman, who should stay covered and stay behind the veil is all naked. Their men wear trousers and the women, skirts. Great! My instincts, as being a human, for sexual desires are entirely based on the 'instincts' as they were put up there and then they are the fabrication... I developed it with the climate, society and the rest, and that became my behavior... But nowhere by any chance can I go so cheap, to get a Burger because I had to feed my dick with the fucking hot shape of a chic's body! No way!
Everybody's doing so, I guess. And there would be time when 'folks' actually be masturbating for some TV commercial and would have forgotten what the ad actually was about!
The movies, LOL... The Indians in particular have put a new term, Item Song. Ah! They cash their effort by just showing bullshit and nudity.
People are bored. Back then, kings would be having women dancing in front of them and now everybody has become kings because we all see women dancing for us... And what for... Even for a lollypop worth two cents.
And they teach us about the women-rights! Fuck you all! Really fuck you! How the hell could that be possible you even thought to be better than us. I cannot allow my woman getting fucked by anybody... I guard her, I protect her. From all the ills, sins... Emotional, physical and any kind. And if my woman does something bad by mistake, I pardon her but if deliberately, I will shoot her. She is the part of my honor... My esteem and I cannot lose my dignity and respect just for this!
I work all day... I work hard... U sweat in the burning day and I do everything possible to earn the bread and butter and I ask my woman to stay home and I worry for her clothes and food and shelter... She doesn't have to worry about that, I am her guardian... I guard her. Protect her. I keep her safe like a precious treasure. I go overseas and I don't come home in years but I make sure my woman has got everything she needs and she is no way feeling lower than anybody else. I don't ask her to go work in some office when she's pregnant, because she has to be at home. And I don't ask her to work for us so that our income is doubled and because she is an equal partner in this house! No way! I would be a 'Gay' if I make her work for us. And yeah! If she makes tea for me, that's just more than mere, a cup of tea... It is as if I am literally drinking the love and affection that I always seek from her. And if she washes my clothes and she press them for me... It is as if I am actually wearing her love and admiration around me... What would you know, when your mothers slept with your father that day when your father was drunk and your mother feeling hot. You are the result, the outcome of lust and lust leads you to make your sister stay naked and ask people to buy something because she has actually had so much desire of them getting that particular thing so much so that she got naked for that. And what pity, people even then mostly ignore buying that thing. Ah! Like the lollypop for two cents wasn't bought and your sister had a free show for them. And then the sellers would ask your other sister to strip for them... Probably that catches the eye.
The so called, enlightened moderates are now here in our society as well. They are so enlightened that the men work like an ass all the day, worrying about their illegal income falling short for their household expenses while their women wearing the thickest of the make-up on the road in the dazzling sun asking the authorities to give women their rights. All such women never work at home; they have never made even a cup of tea for their men. Their men are mere the ATM or the cheque for them... They have everything set and preordained. Like written! They cannot make food for themselves and if you ask them about what rights for women do they want. I am afraid they would be able to tell you even a single one. But they call for freedom. And in other words, they ask us to be quiet if their daughters are getting fucked by their sons on roadside. We must appreciate it. The feminists on the other side have so much confused themselves that they would prefer a woman be their partner in the bed having a dildo but not man. They are psychos. Freaks. They are suicidal. They would not have been that if their boy friend hadn't left her for someone else. Actually they had a problem with another woman, not the man she was in with. But now they can substitute a dick with a plastic dick. And as far as it goes in there, they are okay. Like if they were here and they had a good man, they would never be lesbians.
Incest! Mother fucking the son and father fucking the daughter is getting a horrible thing and is getting bigger and bigger like a monster. Why!? Because if you put a woman for a two cents lollypop... It means people saw what it was... This was the extreme. There's the end. And something's left... Only the daughter's or the mother's! Damn! You tell us to be like you! Ah! Come on! You are but beasts and wild animals. You FMCGs don't sell when you don't put woman on screen for. You sell your women. And you ask us to make our women like you. The veil bothers you! Go to hell!
Our ancestors didn't do enough... They taught you about mathematics and science but they hadn't about the social norms.
I see our women walking on the ramp... Bold, confident! What do they do!? Promoting some aliens attire and ask us to buy them and when they are off the ramp, they get the VIP protocol. Phew! You know what! The entire Greece was at the gates of Troy... What for...!? For a Pussy! For that one hole that no other woman had... And if that was not just a hole and that was honor and pride and dignity then why am I wrong if I keep my woman in-house!? And even today... When they are paid huge... Men sweat their asses in building roads and making cakes and things while they have the softest part of the flesh and that's it! They make money, they earn a good life and even the most successful men waste their lives in their magic spell. Ah! Satan has two great things... He traps man with... One is pride and vanity and the other, woman! Money and land are after that. But does woman know she has lost all her self-respect and beauty and charm once they are on the screen or on the ramp. Making your beauty cashed for getting shorter track to the top is as it's you are raped in the middle of a square. You are on your knees... Begging for justice. Ah! What justice had you done to yourself?
Wake up! They are showing you something that's for them as their master says their ancestors were monkeys and apes. But we are created as human beings. This is not what we should do. If you are a man, think about your mother, sister, wife and daughter and if you are a woman, think about you esteem, respect, honor and dignity. You are my brothers and sisters and I feel bad if my brother long for my sister for his lust or my sister puts herself on the table for some worldly and material success.
I would say they won then and we lost. And we will never be able to rise again as our forefathers were.

A Lamer's Philosophy Of Psyche

Somebody, a day back quoted 'some great one', "if you cannot convince, confuse!
Well, that's been great! Great, so far... And my warmest regards to everybody out there, who have their mind pinched and they look for the 'practical application' of a this very philosophically twisted golden words...
As a Believer, I am a Muslim, Alhamdulillah, but even if I were a Sikh, Christian, a Hindu or a Jew or anyone... I would say even then what The Quran Says for those who do this... They are Allah's Dogs! They bark and bark and bark their whole shitty lives... They earn a good life of the 'game of words'! This was basically, in the Book was for the poets as they say stupid things and they say things that take you away from the right, in short... But this equally applies to every single person who does it by one way or the other, because we have to have a society- cohesive... Not like the mom's staying her place and dad's at his place! We are brothers and one act, of good and of not-good has the ultimate impact on the chain of actions... It's the feedback mechanism, you don't alter the track and there's no butter-fly effect to take place.
They talk and talk their entire life... And they only, their entire life, play with the words. That's simple! If they don't do it, how would they be able to have their bread and butter...? What worthy they are for 'any-thing'!?
The scumbags, after reading some Latin or Greek in an English translated version after getting graduation from some local art-school or social sciences institute, and that's it! They are masters!
They beat their teachers even! They talk louder than them... They mock better than them... And they have become even more abstract than their teachers... And being abstract has one great concrete thing! You can easily change, alter, and manipulate, your stance, belief, gesture... Anything! If you thought you would get caught in the middle of your business you can easily agree to the whatever 'oppressor' for whatever 'reason'.
Starting from a politician in a public debate to a school teacher in the class... Everybody... is so convinced that they can always convince everybody! If not so, they can always confuse them... That's been a marvelous all-purpose single shot!
Satan also does the same... He convinces you... If you are not convinced, he can always confuse you and once you are confused there are chances that you would deviate from your own point of view and Satan wants that very thing! "But why would we do that?" I asked the gentleman, and he replied in a great manner, "just because you cannot make a donkey (though he had called it an ass) stand on talking". That's pretty an answer! I was "convinced"... But would that work if I did that with a man, presumably, not a donkey!? Well, yes... Indeed, because there's no man like I am... Since I am the only man, hence the rest are all donkeys and donkeys cannot stand on talking... Thus it's equally applicable everywhere... Beyond the gender, race, ethnicity, demography, faith, etc. of the donkeys!
I am a man for myself, for someone else, he's the man... I am the donkey! God! Why donkey, though!? Pity! "The West" teaches us; at least we should have some manners for the poor creature... But yeah! The 'ass' is pretty much like a universal thing... So we better stick to that, as that's no offense for anybody! All equal, man and a donkey... Brother, brother! All equal! Peace!
We talk to convince, confuse... Whatever... But as far as we talk... We are good... And the moment, we 'don't talk' we are under severe threat of survival... We may or may not make it! When the probability jumps in... We are certain... And when we are not certain... We are not sure... And when we are not sure... Phew! Damn! We are not sure!
Say one thing... And say you meant something else...! God! Why in the world would there be a million interpretations for only a single verse of some oriental drunkard, they call a poet... As if that were some divine revelations stuck in that bloody loser's pajamas...! And so with the prologue of the 'English Law'! The court will do testify you... But for a legal crap that only God and after that only the bald, sadist nerds understand...!? Words... And words... Words... And ha! They say... That's not even an excuse that you say you didn't know the law there... Where!? Bloody hell!? Why not is that possible!? If that was the case what good you are for, sitting to decide the right and wrong...!?
Personally, I have this creeping feeling and building a strong, not only no admiration, but literally hatred for the so-called intellectuals. I hate their pale faces, they drowsy eyes and their 'hair-less' heads... I hate them! They have made this place hell! They are all around and we are just in the middle of a battle-field between the more-than-two parties... No matter who wins and who loses... We are in deep shit... And they pretend as the being the guardians of the civilizations and the human-kind! I say, fuck them... Go to hell! Get a life! They are not prophets, not divine messengers... Nobody! Literally nobody! They as good as the parasites are... They are born and will vanish... And in between, they only eat, drink, fuck and bring more of their kind and just that! They follow their peers... For God knows what!? They justify or nullify every single word of them don't know why, but they do it...! I could have learned any language back in my school days, even if there had been no "agony of the existence" and "pain in my ass" and "the one departed" and "Marie was born"... Teach me A for an apple or otherwise an aero plane and your jobs done! Get lost... Rest, I will learn and understand myself!
The man known for destruction has said about knowledge being bliss... And now, when I am out of the school, I feel like he was right. What do we need to learn when everything's there... Already! Adam had the only thing that became the cause of the conflict, knowledge...! So when are blessed with it! And that's enough for me... And there's no argument... Nobody would tell me, if there were no knowledge, "we" wouldn't have stepped on the moon. But who has 'actually' seen the one stepping on the moon!? Is there any neutral person...!? And even if there was... Still... Why stepping on the moon... What's so important that make us go and search a combination of... Ha! "Hydrogen and oxygen" on the Mars, that 'certainly' shows the signs of life there, when we kill thousands with arms and weapons in Asia and millions with droughts in Africa!?
We make bombs twice of the twice of the medicines and vaccines to save lives.
Convince, or confuse!
Well, I am confused! Satan has done its job... Probably someone else has done someone else's job...!
I was told by my father when I was a child about our fore-fathers... About how they lived and about what they did... And the only thing that I loved the most back then and even now was the true essence of life... The lived in the day... Not building castles in the air... Not planning to invade the neighboring villages. They were simple; they would have an axe, again... a donkey... And they would go to the woods. They would talk the wood, honey, meat, and they would come back and would go ask the one who would not be feeling well and they would worry about an orphan. That they hadn't learned by going to school. They were illiterate but they were aware of the 'cause and effect theory', so they wouldn't pull the string from the mid. They were simple... yet so thorough and complete in their everything! And they expected nature to be kind to them... They were some political workers, or social activists or some television anchors, or some think-tank personnel, or some critics or anything... But the world was a happy place.
"The West" brought us wars with the knowledge we gave them... And with that knowledge, they created one of the very first thing- the gunpowder. Like of all the things in the world we only lacked the gunpowder! Thank you so very much for you kindness! And even in the recent past, one of the very intelligent and then a super-genius with always hair like the bad lawn grass, he created a new thing! The atom bomb! Wow! Physics...! Nuclear fission and nuclear fusion and chain reaction and this and that! God bless your soul, great man with the most unique hair-style. And there was one who, they claim was one the noblest men of the history, who made us aware of the gravitational force... Because before that all the apples would 'fall-up' ... And he found that there was actually that force that pulls the apple and such thing towards the ground! Bravo! Man, if you weren't there, we would have been gone extinct like dinosaurs... You saved our souls and you saved our species, like what the intellectuals would do in the line of the donkeys, I mean they also survive...and as one them have said, it's the survival of the fittest!
The master-donkey must have done something great... Like they must have found some water-melon on ground and would have said... O! It heavy!
The atom-bomb man and the apple man... I praise them.. But they don't shine more with my admiration and they don't go dull if I don't... They are like stars, always. But they had been reported, like they officially appreciate their devotion to the work... With words like... O! He had forgotten even to attend his wedding ceremony! Bloody hell! Like look at the exaggeration! May that be like an exaggeration or otherwise they must have kept this a secret. It's a shame... Like, man... You could never be a good husband, or a companion or a father or anything... Because you were finding an apple falling.
Then I had read a line back in my school days in my social-studies class that "men should live together, even the cattle do". And this line had come all the way from Greece to my class-room and it had reached in more than three thousand years. Like, it's fine... It would have been words of wisdom back then but now the I.Q of common man is equal to I.Q of a genius generations back and thanks to them for that, they contributed and we grew wiser and tomorrow the I.Q of a common man would be the I.Q of our genius... Okay, even if they have kept it so sacred for so long... But why the reference at all, with every single word. Like my class teacher could have said that was his idea... I was never so much passionate to quote, unquote it with my teacher's name and leave it for my children and their children. And that's not only me... Everybody's like that. A simple man, who wants to learn just to lead a simple life wouldn't require so much double quotes and difficult names. He would learn it or not learn it.
Our Master had asked The One for blessing him with more and more knowledge and he has taught us the same thing... For asking the Knowledge and he has asked us to seek knowledge from cradle to the grave and the Book has taught us to explore everything, what hidden and what's not between the mountains and the oceans and everywhere...
But...
All that is about the knowledge that you could be a better human first with and then you help other humans with and in totality you make things easier with for you kind not that you hop around and jump here and there just to make people say... Ah! What an asshole he is!

اعتراف

زندگی ایسی بھی ہے... چپکے سے... خاموشی سے دبے پاؤں دور تلک نکل جاتی ہے... اور سمندر کے کنارے ریت کی مانند بےآواز ہتھیلیوں سے سرکتی جاتی ہے اور خبر بھی نہیں ہوتی کہ کتنے دن، کتنے مہینے، کتنے سال کتنی خاموشی سے اور کتنی تیزی سے گزرے...!! اور گزرے بھی سہی کہ محض ہمیں گمان ہے گزر جانے کا.

بیان یہ نہیں منشاء، یہ باتیں تو بہت بڑوں نے کی ہیں ہم نے سنی بھی ہیں اور پڑھی بھی... مدّعا کچھ اور ہے اور وہ یوں کہ ہم جو خستہ تنی اور جان بلبی کے راگ الاپنے والوں کو کہیں اتفاقاً بھی کوئی خوشی اور سرور کا لمحہ میّسر ہوا تو بجایے محظوظ ہونے کے ہم اس حقیقت کی نفی اور تردید کرتے ہوۓ وہ لمحہ گنوا دیتے ہیں اور ظلم یہ کہ ہمیں لطف بھی اسی کھو جانے میں ملتا ہے...

مدّعا یہ بھی نہیں تھا!

میں اپنے ذہن اور دل کی سالوں کی کشمکش میں آج تک یہ نہیں جان پایا کہ اصل میں کہاں ہوں گاہے دل جو کہتا ہے بجا گاہے جو دل کی سہی اور میں متواتر ایک ہی تصویر، عکس و پرتو ہوں...

اپنے حصار کھینچےہیں اور اپنی مرضی سے قید ہوں... ہاں مگر یہ کہ جو میرے فہم و ادراک کے پر تھے، نہیں ہیں... بازو ٹوٹے یا کسی نے کاٹے، معلوم نہیں...

ایک عجیب پرشور سناٹا ہے اور ایک بےمعنی شور جو روح میں محشر برپا کیے ہوے ہے اور اس روز کے محشر کو سال گزرے اور وہ سال جن کے گزر جانے کا علم بھی نہ ہو سکا...

بےبسی اور لاچاری ہے کہ ایک بھی دوست نہیں ہے اور کوئی بھی غمگسار نہیں ہے... دیکھنے میں میں روز سینکڑوں لوگوں سے ملتا ہوں، ہنستا ہوں، بات کرتا ہوں... مگر جو دل میں روز اول سے ہے... وہی ہے... ایک بھی نقطہ ادھر کا ادھر نہیں ہوتا اور باوجود کوشش کے میں آج تک صرف ناکام ہی رہا ہوں.

اپنے اردگرد جو ہوتا ہے... دیکھتا ہوں... پھر سوچتا ہوں... اور پھر غمگین ہوتا ہوں... شدّت سے...

یہ بھی حقیقت ہے کہ میں کچھ نہیں سمجھتا اور جتنا کچھ سمجھتا ہوں وہ کچھ یوں ہے کہ جو نہیں سمجھتا اس پر پردہ ڈالوں... کچھ میرے یار بھی اس پہ ناراض کہ میں خوامخواہ خود کو پرسرار بنا کے پیش کرتا ہوں... کچھ کا الزام ہے کہ میں جھوٹا، مکّار اور فریبی ہوں اور میں صرف اپنی شائستگی اور سیدھے انداز میں دھوکہ دہی کرتا ہوں... کچھ کا خیال ہے کہ انہوں نے مجھے اب پہچان لیا ہے اور وہ اب کبھی مجھ سے سلام دوا نہیں رکھیںگے... کچھ کو اعتراض تھا کہ میں بیکار میں الٹی سیدھی حرکتیں کرتا ہوں اور ان سے کوئی میرا نام لیوا نہیں ہوگا... اور کچھ کو میں اس لئے یاد رہتا ہوں کہ جب ان کے اندر نفرت اور غصّہ پوری دنیا کے خلاف جمع ہو جاتا ہے تو آتش فشان کا فت جانا ہی بہتر ہوتا ہے اور وہ آسانی سے مجھے بے عزت کر کے خود کو تسلی  دے سکتے ہیں کہ وہ کوئی گیے گزرے نہیں ہیں وہ آج بھی پوری دنیا کو سیدھا کر سکتے ہیں... میں "دنیا" ہوں... اور میں سیدھا نہیں ہوں...

جس کا جہاں تک علم ہے اور جس کی جہاں تک پہنچ ہے، وہیں تک ایڑی چوٹی کا زور لگاتے ہیں کہ مجھے غلط "ثابت" کر دیں... جیسے میں ان سب کے ساتھ حالت جنگ میں ہوں اور جیسے وہ میرے یار نہیں، دیرینہ دشمن ہیں... اور پھر جیسے میں نے کبھی ان سے کہا ہے کہ میں سہی ہوں یا غلط ہوں یا کچھ بھی...

میں سمجھتا نہیں ہوں... لوگوں کو تنگ کرتا ہوں... اداس کرتا ہوں... میں وہ نہیں جو ناچ کے،مجرا کر کے کسی کا دل بہلا سکے... میں تعلیم میں، کھیل میں، ذہن میں، دل میں، لیاقت میں، ظرافت میں، نشست و برخواست میں، سلام کلام میں کسی بھی چیز میں کچھ بھی نہیں ہوں... میں ایک مٹتی کا پتلا ہوں... مجھے آرام اور آسائش، خوب ساری عورتیں اور ان کی صحبت اور نشے میں مخمور، آرزؤں میں چور اور سکون کی زندگی اور طاقت اور زور کی خواہش اور اسی خواہش میں زندگی گزار دینے کا ارادہ...

میرے اندر سے تعفن کی بو آتی ہے... اور میں اتنا گندا ہوں اور اتنا گرا ہوا ہوں کہ خود کے اندر جھانک کے نہیں دیکھ سکتا...

میرا بیان یہ کہ میں گھوما بھی نہیں ہوں، پھرا بھی نہیں ہوں اور نہ ہی میری زندگی میں کچھ ایسے یادگار دن یا لمحے آیے ہیں کہ جن کی تصویریں تو میرے پاس محفوظ ہوتیں... میں تو کسی کا دوست بھی نہیں ہوں کہ کوئی مجھے یاد رکھے... میں تو مفلس بھی ہوں کہ اگر کچھ ہوتا تو میں سنبھال رکھتا...

میرے پاس تو کچھ بھی نہیں ہے... میرے جسم، میرے ذہن، میرے دل، میری روح کا کچھ بھی متاع نہیں... ہاں ہے تو یہ کہ میں مقروض ہوں بہت یاروں کے وقت کا، ان کے احسانوں کا اور ان کے گھر والوں کا جنہوں نے انہیں میرے ساتھ رہنے دیا... اور میں خدا سے معافی کا خواستگار ہوں اور شرمندہ ہوں... جتنا خود پہ اتنا ہی اس حقیقت پر کہ خدا کی تخلیق میں تو کوئی نقص نہیں ہو سکتا... وہ خالق کامل ہے پر میں نے اس اعلیٰ شاہکار کو داغدار کیا...

میں شرمندہ ہوں اور زندہ بھی ہوں... اور یہ میری بےشرمی کی انتہا ہے...!!

ہم جیسے ازل کے یاس پرست ان لفظوں میں جو لطف پاتے ہیں... اوروں کو نہیں خبر... اور ہم اپنی پوری زندگی اسی لئے تباہ کر دیتے ہیں کہ کوئی ایسا ہی مضمون سامنے رکھ سکیں اور پھر آنی والی پشتوں کو ایک اور نیے مخمصے میں ڈال دیں کہ جو ہمارے پہلے والوں نے جو تھمایا تھا وہ ہم سے حل ہوا نہیں...

اسی طرح دنیا کا کاروبار چلتا رہے اور ہمیں تسلی ہو کہ چلو کچھ تو کیا اور تھوڑی دل کی بھڑاس بھی نکلے...

اب میں پھر سے وہی ہوں جو ہوں... یہ سب بھی لفظ بھی سارے دھوکہ ہیں، جھوٹ ہے... لفاظی ہے اور بیان ہے...

اس کا حاصل کچھ نہیں... ایک جھوٹا دلاسہ ہے جو وقتاً فوقتاً ہم خود کو دیتے رہتے ہیں...

اور وقت کا کوئی احساس ہی نہیں ہوتا کہ کب ساحل پر ریت ہتھیلی سے سرکتی ہی پھر اپنے اصل میں مل گئی... ہم تو تماشآیی ہیں اور تماشا چاہے وقت ہی کا کیوں نہ ہو... دیکھنا تو لازم ہے...